


look at me (but don't look too close)

by caligulaeffect



Category: The Caligula Effect (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 05:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17760254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caligulaeffect/pseuds/caligulaeffect
Summary: A look at how one of the many lost souls in Mobius came to be.Sayaka Kyogoku was always the rebellious girl at school. But what, exactly, was she rebelling against?





	look at me (but don't look too close)

Another day of waking up. Another day of going to class and getting talked at by teachers. Sayaka was at least grateful to have the window seat in her classroom… as if the view ever changed.

She was in the middle of enjoying said view when one of her teachers threw a piece of chalk at her. By this point, though, he’d thrown so many pieces that she grabbed this one out of the air.

“Ah, I see you’re at least with us enough to realize when I need you to focus. Please pay attention, Kyogoku. This  _ will _ be on the test…”

But she didn’t pay attention. What did it matter? It’s not like she expected that she’d get far enough in life for her high school education to actually matter. If anything, she had her heart set on going to school for fashion. No amount of stuffy ancient literature would help her there.

Eventually, the last bell rang. As usual, her strutting down the halls and out the front door turned a lot of heads, but nobody ever asked her if she wanted to do anything or go anywhere with them. She was used to that, too. They didn’t know her pink hair and penchant for fashion was a cry for help…

...and she’d keep it that way even if it killed her. She wasn’t about to drag anyone else down with her.

Coming home was more than just taking off her shoes and changing out of her school uniform. It was also about changing her identity. Everyone around her knew her as “Sayaka”, but she was trying to form a new, second identity for herself.

Nico Amagami.

Was it a cliche name, more suited to a V-Tuber than an actual person? Absolutely. But if it got people talking about her, what was the harm in it? More than anything, she wanted to be seen and talked about.

Just… she didn’t want people seeing underneath the surface.

Nico logged into her Gossiper, having her notifications open in one tab as she scrolled through the day’s news to find things to post about, just with her own unique spin on them. One headline stood right out, as it had her town’s name in it and the words “Astral Syndrome” in it. Her curiosity piqued, she clicked the article, and after giving it a quick once-over, wrote up a Gossip to go with it.

 

more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
"First recorded case of Astral Syndrome in F City, Tokyo" omg this is my town!!! how scary 😰😰😰 4:23 PM - 11 October 201X  22  35 

 

After the initial wave of favorites and regossips started rolling in, she took another look at the article. She recognized the patient’s name as someone who went to her school; not somebody she was super familiar with, but the scars on his face told a thousand tales.

Hmm.

 

more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
hehe don’t worry everyone, i’ll be okay!!! your ultra-fashionable girl is still here 😇 4:25 PM - 11 October 201X  46  89 

 

Secretly, Nico wished she wouldn’t be okay. Nobody knew exactly what Astral Syndrome  _ was _ , but certainly it beat however she had been feeling about life lately. All the hair dye, the fashion, the rebelliousness, the constant bored look in her eye… it was all a front.

But a front for what? What was underneath that front?

At this point, Sayaka didn’t know if there  _ was _ anything underneath it anymore.

Sayaka’s usual routine went on a little longer until, one day, she just couldn’t keep it up anymore. She didn’t even leave her bed until well into the afternoon, and even then, it was only to get her phone from its charger and go on Gossiper.

  


more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
going ✈️ breakdown 2:12 PM - 1 November 201X  12  30 

more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i don’t know why i’m like this. i don’t know why i’m trying to act like i’m more than what i actually am. what am i? nothing. there’s nothing underneath ms “uwu fashion girl” 2:12 PM - 1 November 201X  0  24 

more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
a cry for help. that’s what this all has been. just a sad fucking cry for help 2:12 PM - 1 November 201X  0  18 

more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
and i hate that this is the only way i can express myself. even like this nobody listens 2:12 PM - 1 November 201X  0  10 

more than like, less than love  
@amagamiiii   
i'm sorry 2:13 PM - 1 November 201X  0  7 

 

Sayaka took another look over the gossips she just posted. People were responding, but she didn’t want to hear it. They had gotten too close and seen beneath the cracks. She didn’t want their pity. None of it was going to save her from herself. She deactivated her Gossiper account, shut off her phone, and went back to bed.

 

The next time she woke up, it was in Miyabi City.

**Author's Note:**

> me: [listens to Moe Shop once] i could make an oc out of this!
> 
> here's a reference picture of nico/sayaka: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/497541133690339328/545041338903822346/20190211122351.png
> 
> i've actually written quite a few pieces involving my caligula OCs, but most of them are related to a roleplay where they're active so i feel weird about posting them elsewhere...
> 
> sayaka's name is actually a placeholder; it's the name of an actual student in caligula, but i liked it and decided to make it her "real" name. i decided on nico amagami as the name she goes by as soon as i came up with her
> 
> i used aeryneverstar's CSS tutorial to mimic Twitter (or Gossiper, as it's called in caligula)! https://archiveofourown.org/works/15664164


End file.
